THE SUGAR BABY EXPERIENCE | UCHE EZEUDU | 360LIFE BLOG - 360Life Blog

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Monday, 29 April 2019

THE SUGAR BABY EXPERIENCE | UCHE EZEUDU | 360LIFE BLOG

               
  

 SUGAR BABY -

At a time when it seemed as if all that ever came upon relationship blogs was “sugar daddy”, I’d mused about what a girl who has a sugar daddy should be called and I thought of “sugar girl” and to make it more fun I settled with “sugar baby”.

NYSC was over and I had stayed home for months with my final severance money from Nigeria running low before I decided to try teaching in a secondary school whilst actively job searching. Two months into the teaching job and miraculously, I got a job as a marketer in a consumer finance company. I told myself I was going to put in my best effort and sell as much of the company’s services as I could. Then the pressure hit me, I was doing everything I could ranging from meeting as much people as I could find on the streets of Lagos and telling them what services the company I worked for could render to them, sending blast messages, contacting people on LinkedIN, asking friends to refer me to their other friends and I still wasn’t selling as much. It got frustrating but I was hopeful.

On a hot morning, I had gone to the headquarters of a Nigerian bank and I was in its environs sharing flyers and educating people on the benefits of our services when a small business owner pointed at a particular man who was shopping in the mini market and advised me to talk to him saying he was likely to help me out. I was hesitant at first as it’d be when you meet strangers but I took a bold step and walked up to this mystery man who nicely told me he was going to tell his friends about it. He asked for my number and said he’d be in touch with me. That went well but I wasn’t so hopeful because I’ve had a number of people promise to get back to me and they never did.
The sugar experience

The following day, he called me just to be sure it was my number and inquire about my well-being before proceeding to chat with me on WhatsApp. He was a handsome man who took extremely care of his appearance, that I know and he seemed courteous and of good breeding but there was something off about him. The normal toasting began and he caught my attention for a while before he suggested that we hang out after work soon but I just couldn’t because that would mean I’d get home at a very late hour and I didn’t want that.

At a point, I asked if he was married and after a pause, he replied in the affirmative. I knew that bridge had to be burned because I had made it my life motto not to have anything to do with a married man. He of course tried to assure me he was going to take care of me and love me right but it didn’t matter to me because I didn’t need anything from him and there were enough single guys out there to bother myself with a married man.

Now, the off thing about him that I had mentioned earlier was, he did look like a married man. There was no logo on his forehead indicating that but I just knew. So I stopped talking to him and things just went quiet.
The sugar baby experience

I faced my work with a zeal to succeed but it just wasn’t as fast-paced as I wanted it to be and the pressure was at its peak. Then came a time when it seemed our jobs were no longer secure as we could be sacked at anytime if we didn’t bring as much customers as was required into the company. I had to start contacting people I’d forgotten about all over again and the “married man” wasn’t excluded. Let’s call the married man toaster “Segun”.

I made a distress call to Segun almost two months later after our initial encounter and I told him I needed his help. He said he needed my help too and the services my workplace could render so we scheduled a meeting in his office. He was aloof and told me he decided to forget about me when I declined his offer to date him.

Now, I was humble because he was a potential customer and what he said he needed from our company was more than enough to tide me in my job for a while so humility was my watch word.
After the initial awkwardness, I’d managed to ease the tension and we were on a good page, he asked me to send my CV to his mail as his company was recruiting so he wanted to be of help.  After this, he invited me to hang out with him in the apartment owned by the bank he worked for and I went with him because I had to bring in this customer since he had indicated solid interest in doing business with the company I worked for.

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While we were in the room together, we talked about nothing and everything and he kept flattering me before he made his move. It just started with him trying to come sit by me, then, hold my hand and look into my eyes and bring his lips close but I just couldn’t. Things were moving so fast and I hadn’t been in a more uncomfortable position. Shall we say he’s a patient predator because he managed to understand that I wasn’t ready to be with him or I didn’t even want to be with him?
Time was up and I had to leave but before I did, he said he wanted to give me something but he didn’t know how I’d feel about it. He opened the wardrobe and counted out ten pieces of crisp, newly minted five hundred naira notes. I told him I wasn’t going to reject the money so I collected it for the trouble and went back to the office.

Eventually, he didn’t do business with my company again and that month was hell for me at work because it was raining hail and brimstone on under-performing marketers. I couldn’t take it anymore so I resigned and settled to write the entrance exam into Segun’s company. One way or the other, he was helping, so I thought.

 I was meeting up with him once in a while when I needed clarification on the job I’d applied for and the cause for the delay on his insistence but I managed to avoid having sex with him by a hair’s breadth. It wasn’t easy but I just couldn’t bring myself to becoming someone’s mistress. I’d ask about his family sometime and I got to know he’d been married for seven years with three kids. I also got to know he was a chronic cheat and I wondered how his wife was living with this. I wasn’t about to add to another woman’s misery just because it didn’t feel right and I thought about how far I’d come in my upbringing and how a wrong decision could make it all go away.

There was a time he complained bitterly about his wife and how he didn’t derive any joy living with her. I wasn’t going to replace her at all so I took the other option of telling him to sort things out with his wife.
The perks of having this unusual friendship with Segun was the money he gave and the job he’d helped me get even though it wasn’t finalized yet. Segun was generous and he might have been more generous if I’d become his mistress in every sense of the word but I wasn’t willing to find out.

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I remember a time he’d stripped in front of me and I was taken aback by his small manhood even though it was erect. It was the smallest I’d seen and I wondered why he was always cheating on his wife. He had the guts to cheat or want to cheat with a manhood that small?
Unbelievable!
Maybe if he’d had a bigger manhood, people might come to terms with his cheating being that he finds it hard to keep his huge member in his pants but with a manhood that small, I can’t even begin to imagine his wife’s dilemma. Anyways, nothing happened.

Your curiousity might get piqued on how I was able to avoid sex with him if I was always alone with him most times we saw each other. Some might ask how I managed not to get raped. The good thing about where we usually met is, it was an apartment owned by his company and I know he wouldn’t want a scandal.

Although, it wouldn’t stop some men but I was lucky perhaps. The other choice of avoiding sex with him was the excuses I came up with. Mind you, I didn’t always go to see him regularly, I always spaced it so that the pressure from him to have sex with me wouldn’t be so often. My plan was to hold on to him till I got the job but fate had other plans or me so I had to endure.
The sugar baby experience

I remember the first time he’d tried to get too comfortable with me and I told him I was on my period. This lie is as old as time. Oga, said he didn’t mind and he’d get a condom. I told him it was an abomination and he should just exercise patience.
 Easy!
The second time around, my excuse was that I was fasting being that it was the Lenten season and I wanted to be devoid of sin. He agreed with me and I might just have gotten off too easily again.
 The third time, he tried to curve and make his move but I was trying hard to stifle my irritation so I told him I was suffering from depression and I needed to heal completely. That was when all hell let loose! The man was furious and I couldn’t blame him.

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All these while, I’d been receiving gifts from him and had been singing “My helper o, my helper!” while he’d been patient waiting for the day he’d have it all in kind and now I was coming up with my depression story. He was even angry with the way I’d pushed him, although gently when he’d tried to come too close to me.

I’d never seen him this pissed and he was so pissed. All I could do was apologize and make him see reasons with me but he was having none of that. He wanted the body and I wasn’t going to yield because it’s for my husband!

  Meanwhile, all this time he’d been giving me money, I’d naively thought it was because he had too much so it was easy for him to give. I didn’t think it was because he wanted something else. I told him I had come a long way to come see him so he should appreciate that and he retorted that I shouldn’t have bothered coming if I was going to give him that sort of behavior.
The sugar baby experience

 At that point, my eyes opened to what I was too blind to see. Pleasure/Money for sex. All these while, I’d taken comfort in being his friend even though he did call me his babe but I felt that was a normal thing.
I told Segun I was leaving and he said I could go. I tried cajoling him a bit just to ease his anger but he was having none of it. By this time, I was so used to him giving me money anytime I wanted to leave so I had to ask him this time for transport fare at least and he blatantly told me he wasn’t giving me a penny.

Shockers! Thank God I always go out with “vex money” so I was able to call off his bluff and leave after he also refused to walk me to the gate.
At that point, I knew I was done playing games I didn’t want to get caught in. I was willing to let go of the job and the comfortable life it promised. The die was cast and I had to do the right thing for posterity sake. A series of thoughts had been running through my mind on the dangers of being a mistress. I didn’t want that kind of scandal so I was willing to forego whatever kind of friendship I had with him and the benefits it brought.

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 The worst part was, I can’t account for all the money he gave me. It’s like blood money. Lol. No more free money, no more guilty conscience. I wasn’t going to be a sugar baby just to get what I wanted and I put paid to that kind of adventure.
Every good thing will come as I believe so I don’t have to cut corners to get to where I want to be.

That’s my sugar baby story. Please feel free to share your own experiences as I’d love to read them and I’m sure other readers would love to do so too. Thanks for reading and cheers!


UCHE EZEUDU,
Writer (lifestyle)

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