CHICKEN REPUBLIC - 360LIFE BLOG - 360Life Blog

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Wednesday, 21 November 2018

CHICKEN REPUBLIC - 360LIFE BLOG

Chicken republic, gist time, creative writing, 360life blog

Leggo!!!
 You know how we take little things for granted because we have become so used to it that it doesn't matter anymore. Today, I got a real jolt and I knew what *appreciation* really meant.

At work, my team had an eating activity courtesy of our winning amongst other teams in *team bonding* so we ordered food from *Chicken Republic*. I was overly excited because I'd just saved myself an extra cost of feeding myself for the day while patiently counting down to when my phone will sing the *alert* song.
 I soon attacked the plate of fried rice and soft, crunchy chicken which I must say was enough motivation to work.

 My colleague and I set out to visit some prospects. On our way, I began feeling some pangs in my stomach but I waved it aside as it didn't seem serious. Within an hour, it became serious. Chei!!! Can this be what I am thinking? A strong urge to use the toilet? Mbanu (No)!! But to my chagrin it was.

I decided I had done enough seeking for the day and I couldn't wait to get back to the office so I could scatter the place.

We boarded a *keke napep* (tricycle) and I was seated in a very awkward position because I didn't want to upset my stomach the more. The keke kept entering potholes and I almost gave up. Then we met with hold up.

 Jeez!! What has this child done? Is this how I died?
My colleague had run out of options but she kept telling me I could go into any bank and request to use their restroom. Is that possible? I've never seen the restroom of a bank before.
I abruptly cut our journey short as we passed another *Chicken Republic* outlet. The way strong urge to use the toilet will give you confidence and courage, you will be surprised.

 I couldn't endure any further so I calmly walked into the *Chicken Republic* outlet, dropped my bag with my colleague who was watching over it and I stylishly walked up to the security guard...

To ask for their *restroom*. I repeat *restroom*, I couldn't say *toilet* na. Toi-- wetin? There were fine guys around so falling hand isn't allowed. My predicament must not become obvious.
The kind mister directed me to the restroom and it so happened that it was occupied by one female.
Women, I think we're our problem. I was pacing but Aunty refuses to come out! Is it until I give up the ghost that she will come out?!
One of the attendants suggested I used the male toilet. God will bless that lady for me. I walked in, locked the door hurriedly and...

Tell you what? There are different kinds of defecating. There are some you do easily with your clothes on but the other kind?  You need to pull off everything to allow enough breeze get into your system. You can't afford to die! The second category was almost my case and I carried out my assignment.
It was so relieving!

After I was done with my business, I set to flush the toilet and some particles refused to go down. There were people waiting to use the toilet! I can't go down like this!

I decided to wait it out till the water came up enough to flush my load. At this point dear readers, I'll like to tell you that *flushing* is different from *downloading*
You flush when you use the toilet normally and the waste goes down easily but when your *consignment* refuses to go down... Laugh out loud, it has metamorphosed into *downloading*
Are we clear now?

I spent more time in the toilet waiting for the *download* before it finally did get downloaded and I made my way out.

 I couldn't help smiling in appreciation and being vocal about it. See heat abeg!!
It all made sense. I ate food from *Chicken Republic* and I downloaded it in *Chicken Republic*

At the close of work and on my way home, another round started. God!! Who did I offend? Please leave me o. I will always mind myself now.

There was hold up and Google map became my friend as I kept checking it to know if I was getting close to my destination and to also give myself hope.
It was a bad ordeal!!

There is a way being pressed makes you easily pissed at people. You'll just be roaring like a wounded lion. I wanted to get home by all means. The way I kept sending the stink eye to anybody who says "O wa" when we reached a bus stop it was enough to make the person stumble.
Who knows? Angry lagosians are probably pressed.

At a time the driver had to stop to settle some passengers who were getting off the vehicle and I managed not to howl too loudly for the driver to get me to my destination.
When I got to my bus stop, I jumped down like a ninja...
 And ran all the way home. I wasn't ready to greet anybody or even be greeted. Nobody should greet me please!!

I nearly banged the door out from its hinges. Already, I had started removing my wristwatch and earrings while running home
I flew into the toilet with accurate speed and I let all my inhibitions go.

The Igbo people say "obele nsi ne mebi Ike" which means "small shit that spoils the buttocks" and that was my case this time around.
Good thing is, I spurn a story out of it. Do enjoy!!


UCHE EZEUDU,
Creative Writer.

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