FIRST LOVE, ONLY LOVE? - SHORT STORY - 360life Blog - 360Life Blog

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Monday, 17 September 2018

FIRST LOVE, ONLY LOVE? - SHORT STORY - 360life Blog


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I had always known I’d fall in love someday though the subject of this affection eluded me, I knew it was going to be worth it because I was so eager to know what falling in love felt like. The tons of romance books I had in my company were my prospectus on love although I knew it might not be exactly how it was written in the books, it was going to be an epic love story that I’d keep retelling to anyone who cared to listen.

I had just gotten into the university and social media seemed to be the new escape from boredom.  Everyone was on 2go and soon I created an account and never wanted to leave. I met new people, interesting people, vulgar people, enlightened people and not so enlightened ones. I met some of my acquaintances on 2go who marvelled at my person. I got into the group chat designated to my school and made more friends. It was always a buzz of friendship and I revelled in my new found hobby of socializing on the media.

A friend had invited me to a personal group chat and he needed me to heat things up because I could just magically make everyone want to talk about an exciting topic I could bring up. Someone added me up! His display name read Poseidon. Owh! The Greek God of seas. I was high on my throne of socializing and I didn’t want new friends so I paid him no attention even though I knew he was trying to warm up to me.

From the onset, there was this intrigue about him and that was one of the things that made me finally warm up to him. I viewed his display picture so I could match his face to his person and I wasn’t even disappointed. He was tall, dark and handsome but that still wasn’t what pulled me in. As we got to chat more, I began to look forward to our chats.

I remember the first time he called me and I listened to his voice, I was thrilled. Now I remember how he had asked for my phone number. At first, I had acted all coy because it was an unspoken girl code to never appear eager to the guy folk so as to make you valuable. Then he did the most when he told me he was recuperating from an accident which left him with an injured arm and it was painful for him to keep typing.

That was all the genuine excuse I needed to gladly give him my number. He was quick to tell me he was lying and it was all fun from there on. He wanted to see me but I didn’t live close by and I also felt I wasn’t ready to meet him yet because I needed to prepare myself for it.
I remember him asking me for my Facebook ID and how soon his friend request came in as soon as I gave it to him. I had a new assignment which was to watch all his pictures and write-ups. It was a whole new world and I loved every sight of him.

It was the era of Whatsapp and 2go soon receded into the sidelines. I remember the voice notes he sent me persuading me to send him a voice note too. I could send a voice note alright, but I didn’t know what to say in it. I felt shy. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize what was growing.
The first strings that pulled at my heart had me thinking it was an ordinary crush and soon I’d be over it but it was not to be. I was already in love with someone I hadn’t seen. I remember how I kept listening to his voice notes friend and we over and over again and I sent them to my best gushed about his voice. I remember listening to it most nights before I slept, it was music to my ears.

That year was over and we still didn’t see each other but I knew him already in my heart. It was in the way he teased me endlessly. It was in the way he complimented my eyes. It was in the way he played with me. It was in his unique quality that I knew that love had come knocking on my door and I had widely opened it.

We were in the same faculty but we didn’t run into each other until the day I saw him saunter into his department. It was hard to run into each other because our departments were located in different places but I had gone to receive a lecture on a borrowed course when I saw him. I knew it was he before I even had a good look at him. I could recognize the love of my life anywhere. All my instinct was to run to him with a huge smile and introduce myself but I stopped myself as I looked at what I was wearing. I wasn’t looking sophisticated like the other girls and I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me. I wanted to look my best when we did meet but that day wasn’t my best day. It hurt to watch him go without going to meet him but it was for the greater good right?

He called me “ Mrs Mmadu” while we were chatting one time and my heart soared to the high heavens. What? He pictured me as his better half? My joy knew no bounds and even though I was so young, I was filled with this radiating glow and I have never been happier with the idea of love.
Things weren’t always rosy for me because I loved him but we were not in a relationship. Most times, he’d go weeks without talking to me and then he’d greet me with a “Yo” and we’d continue where we left things. I had this belief that one day he’d finally ask me out and that would put paid to my patience and dreams.

I badly wanted to see him and I did hint at it although subtly because I didn’t want to come up as eager to him. I remember I’d asked him if he was single or married and he said neither of the two. Then, his answer confused me but I was neck-deep in my façade to realize anything.
Years passed and he graduated from school while I was still left wondering when he’d see me. Then a problem brought him back to school. He had a missing script and it posed a problem in the computation of his result.

Our chats picked up its pace and he suggested that we meet up. Did God just answer my prayer after how many years? Three years! He sure did! He went further to say I’d been the one playing hard to get all these while. What?! Me that have been dying in silence all these while. How did I manage to give off this hard to get the vibe? I was over-elated, to say the least.

He was coming to visit me in my hostel and I finally had the means of looking my best even though it was a casual visit. On the appointed day, he called in the evening to tell me he was on his way and I remember how I rushed to the bathroom to have a quick shower so I could smell fresh. I came in from the bathroom and there were two missed calls from him! That was the most he’d called me in years and I was super excited. God had decided to answer me in the best way possible. I ladled myself in perfume while I excitedly waited for his arrival. It was the best day of my life because my dreams were finally coming true.

I remember the single text he sent me telling me he was in front of my hostel. I tried to hide my excitement as I made him out in the darkness before a tall figure signalled to me. Here I was, face to face with my heart throb and I wanted the memory to be embellished in my mind forever. We talked like we weren’t meeting each other for the first time. Of course, we’d known each other for years so we were able to smoothly glide through the initial awkwardness. The time came for him to leave and I felt so sad because I didn’t know if that was going to be our last meeting.

He chatted me up the next day and said he was coming to visit me. Goodness, gracious! I had made a lasting first impression and he couldn’t stay away. I was over the moon! This second time, our meeting was even better as we sat in the love garden and he teasingly told me to move closer to him. I remember how I rested my head on his shoulder and enjoyed the comfortable silence as we gazed into the sky. Love was here to stay. I could never forget his cologne. I breathed in it and smiled at the thought that it was my man’s scent.

I couldn’t get over his height and he teased me constantly that I was short even though we knew I was tall for a girl. I felt it that he was going to ask me to be his girl soon and I could feel the chemistry. It was so strong that it terrified me. It was in the way we looked at each other. It was in the way we touched without knowing. It was in the way my heart was bursting with love. I couldn’t shut my mouth about him and soon my friends knew that someone was soon going to have a boyfriend. Me! It was so exciting!

The third day was a Sunday and he called to ask that I come over to his place. I refused at first because I was scared of being alone with a guy in his house but he reasoned with me that he had visited me twice already so it was only fair that I returned the visit. That was all the convincing I needed and the next hour saw me on my way to his house upon his directions.

I got to his house and his wide and disarming smile had me crumbling and it felt so good. Alone with him in the confines of his house we got talking about everything and I saw the child in him that had come out to play for the first time and I fell in love with him all over. There were no chairs but the bed served that purpose.

We stopped talking and left it to our eyes. There he was lying on the bed while I was sitting and he asked me to come to kiss him. I didn’t know anything about kissing apart from what I saw in the movies and then it felt like an unhygienic thing to do even though I was willing to do anything for him. I gave a little protest but soon summoned the courage to give him a kiss. A kiss metamorphosed into full-blown kissing and it was the best feeling in the world. I was scared but I didn’t want to stop. I was being inducted into the art of kissing by the love of my life.

I remember straddling him as I pulled his shirt up and suckled on his nipples and he said he’d never had anyone do that to him before and I felt like a world class genius. I also remember how I’d let my curiosity get the better of me as I wondered where his organ was since I didn’t see any bulge in his trousers. He’d laughed and said he’d hidden it but I could find it if I wanted. I’d risen up to the challenge as I set to unbuckle his belt but I couldn’t go any further. I was scared and I didn’t want to set the wheel in motion for what I couldn’t finish.

I left his house that day all smiles. He’d ask me out soon so I thought. There was this glow around me and my close friends noticed this. I wasn’t so innocent anymore.
His script was found and he had to go back home. I missed him so much but he assured me he’d be back as he was thinking of settling down in that location as he wanted to continue his business. He did come back and he asked to see me again and we met at a neutral place. It was nighttime when we met in the school premises and we sat in a shaded area and discussed.

I remember berating him for not always checking up on me and how he made light of it. There he was teasing me and we were playing like lost lovers. Then he led me to a more private place away from prying eyes. I didn’t know what to expect but soon he began fondling me while trying to kiss me. I resisted at first because I knew he was going to leave me heartbroken again but soon I gave in because I had to seize the day with the one I yearned for.

This kiss was exactly how it was described in the various romance novels. My head was swimming, there was a roaring sound in my ear and my knees felt like jelly as I surrendered to his soft ministrations. Soon my left shoulder was exposed as he made to fondle my breasts. He made to move his hands in between my thighs but I clamped it shut. What’s the use? He still wasn’t going to stay and I was scared of surrendering totally to him as I knew what it could do to me. Besides, I didn’t know his stand with me. Months had passed after our first meeting and he still hadn’t asked me out.

For the longest time possible I kept reliving what had transpired between us that night and it was the wildest thing I had ever done. By now it became clear to me that my case was that of an unrequited love but that didn’t stop me from wanting him. I remember crying myself to sleep on so many lonely nights as I wondered why he couldn’t love me back. It hurt a lot but I had to maintain my position in the background. I tried to get him to share things with me but it was like talking to a stranger. I remember how I held myself back from calling him several times.

Sometimes, it worked but other times it didn’t and I was dialling his number already. He never called or texted.
I remember a Facebook message he sent me saying he couldn’t be with anybody because he was meant to be a loner. He said he wasn’t the kind of guy I could take home to my parents and I deserved someone better so he hoped I did find my own soul mate. I didn’t want anyone better, I wanted him. He was my soul mate. I was inconsolable even though it was all in silence. I decided to be his friend since he couldn’t love me but he didn’t want that too. Was I so difficult to love?

The last time we had any form of contact was when he sent me one last message on Facebook telling me he never liked me. How he came into my life to teach me a lesson and how I was so weak and needed to grow up. Grow up from my puppy love perhaps? He said such vile things to me and I felt it was all a prank. Some jealous girl had taken hold of his phone and was saying all these mean things to me. I called him with the intention of making light of the situation but it was a futile effort. The love of my life was gone with the wind leaving behind a trail of the broken pieces of my heart and my tears.
I soon found out that he had blocked me on Facebook. Why couldn’t he love me? Why did he have to be this cruel? Where do broken hearts go? For so many nights, I did cry myself to sleep but I was determined to prove him wrong. I made a resolve. I was going to be strong. My walls were high up. I was going to make people like him love me but they wouldn’t get loved in return. It seemed like a conquest but no one would treat me that way again.

Never was I going to be so helpless again. I had saved all my love for him alone and he’d thrown it to the dust. I could never love again. I was going to be selfish with my love because nobody was deserving of something so pure.
I couldn’t make myself unlove him. This love had taken years to grow and only time could heal my broken heart, or not.
                                            To the love that never was…


Uche Ezeudu. 
Creative writer   

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4 comments:

  1. This is an amazing piece. I could feel the love, the anticipation, the hurt,.... Everything.
    100%

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awwwwwwwwn, ripple of pain! Will she ever find someone? I wonder...

    ReplyDelete

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